Ugh.

I haven't been posting anything on this blog for a while. This, I can attribute to a number of reasons - laziness, lack of inspiration, no mood, et cetera.

However, as a direct consequence of this inactivity, I fear that some of my knack for writing may have worn off a bit (maybe the sharper ones among you may notice that this is what I have implied in the seemingly-uninspired title to this post). Usually, this wouldn't be much of a problem since I'm not exactly doing anything academic for the time being.

Unfortunately, one of the scholarships I am currently trying to apply for is requesting that I submit a 500-word essay as part of my application. Besides the usual "Why this scholarship is for you" dross I also have to write about "How would you contribute to the good governance practices and leadership development of Malaysia?".

Yes, it's the Khazanah scholarship. After a bit of research on Google I have reason to believe that for the past four years at least, potential applicants have been writing about the exact same thing while applying for this exact same scholarship.

"So, what's the big deal?" you may ask. Well, frankly my task has gotten a bit more difficult, thanks to this small bit of information. How on Earth am I supposed to come up with something original for this essay? Something eye-catching? Something that makes me jump off the page? Something that at least four years' worth of applicants hasn't thought of yet?

Well, firstly - chances are, the ones reading the essays this year probably aren't gonna be the same ones who did it last year, or even the years before that.

Secondly - everyone's got a different story to tell. If I can avoid the cliches, maybe I'll be able to set myself apart from the other applicants.

Thirdly - and this one's a very, very long shot - most people will have turned away from the scholarship because of the essay. Thus, the competition is narrowed down. Although this would quite likely mean that the ones left are the really good applicants.

Well, writing this post is one way to get the creative juices flowing again. The deadline for the scholarship application is April 1st, this Sunday. Hopefully I'll be able to carve out a masterpiece by then.

Down To Earth.

The 2011 SPM results were released earlier today, much to the anxiety of 468, 808 recent secondary school leavers. They were supposed to have been released as early as 10 in the morning, but at my school in Rembau we were forced to wait until almost three hours later.

The night before, my Facebook news feed had been filled with SPM-themed posts. Most of my batchmates had switched their profile pictures to the same one - an admittedly well-edited picture of our batch. A certain friend had spammed my inbox with messages telling me to do the same.

I'd actually just gotten back from Terengganu at the time, so I was somewhat pissed. But just a little. So, I ended up changing my profile picture anyway.

Now back to results day. Well, first there were the following announcements, among others:

• Semesra had come in third in the state, behind established schools Kolej Tunku Kurshiah and SMS Tunku Munawir.
• Semesra had come in first in the Rembau district.
• The Rembau district was the top district in the state. Well, it only has about 10 secondary schools, including Semesra, so this was not exactly shocking.

Then the names of the top-scoring students were called out one by one. Three managed to achieve the coveted 9A+ target, and 66 others just about fell short, 'only' managing various A's for their nine subjects. All in all the Valedictorians had achieved a CGPA of 1.30, which isn't too shabby for a school with an age of just over two years.

The top scorers. Picture courtesy of Semesra official blog.

Well, how did I do, then? I was one of the 66, with a result of 5A+, 4A.

"Wow, that's great!" "Congratulations!" "You did fantastic!"

I know, I know. But to be honest, I was in fact somewhat less than thrilled with my achievement. After receiving my results, I was overcome by a strange feeling, which I took to be indifference at the time. I lost my appetite, I lost my mood for social interaction, and worst of all I didn't even do any grammar checking while looking through the new, beautifully-made school magazine (Okay, maybe just a little).

Despite the fact that I had managed to better all my previous exam results, I just couldn't be happy with it. I had failed to get straight A pluses, and that one thought dominated my mind. Maybe others noticed, or maybe they were too happy with their own results to do so. But I knew what had inflicted me: disappointment.

A part in the back of my mind knew all along that I didn't deserve to get 9A+. I was much too lazy, and always too embroiled in my own non-academic thoughts most of the time. If anyone deserved that achievement, it was the bookworms. You know the type. Studying day in, day out; staying up late to study; hardly, if ever, coming out to play. And indeed, the three people who managed 9A+ ticked all these boxes (no offence).

And yet, another part of me stubbornly refused to accept that. This part somehow instilled in me a belief that I didn't have to sacrifice my fun in order to succeed. I often fantasized about what I would do if I managed to get 9A+, even with my unorthodox study methods.

But I was wrong, and this was probably what hit me hardest. I realised that no one ever amounted to anything by simply loafing around, and laughing at the ones who actually put in some effort. I had to stop building castles in the air, and I needed to come back down to earth. An immediate change of mentality was required in order to get through college and whatever else that comes afterwards.

Everything that happens is for the best. God, in His infinite wisdom decided to show me the error of my ways, and I am grateful for that. Alhamdulillah. Thank you for this, Allah.

Congratulations to the Valedictorians. And I'm sorry as well - looks like I won't be uploading any hair-free pictures on Facebook anytime soon.

Picture courtesy of Yasmeen Fazeera Shamsuddin, who also managed straight A's. Congratulations.

 

Sheer Bliss.

People are happy for a number of reasons. What strikes you as a happy event? Probably the usual - getting something you want, meeting friends and family, watching a funny TV show.

Why do these things make us happy? Well, I'm confident that there must be some sort of scientific explanation that involves the inner workings of the human body, but I'm not about to get into that. For me, happiness does not require an explanation, it shouldn't be needlessly complicated. You're happy because you're happy. That's it. Nothing more.

I myself seem to feel incredibly blissful whenever I'm playing a good game of football, be it with friends or otherwise. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not sure that I even have to.

Some people might not understand what could possibly be so fun about chasing a ball around and attempting to get it in between a couple of goalposts. Well, in truth I'm not exactly sure why I enjoy it so much. But I believe that you don't need a reason to be passionate about something. For me, it's simple: Don't get it? Don't care.

Football isn't simply about kicking a ball. There's so much more, if you actually bothered to find out. Football is a way of life for many, and (somewhat shockingly) even a religion for some. Football can, and has put whole nations to war. Football has the ability to amaze, to excite, to piss people off. All of this shows how much of an influence the aptly-named 'beautiful game' can have.

Football brings people together.

Every football fan has their own story - what football means to them. As do I.

Being a mostly introverted individual, life is harder for me socially than those guys on the other side of the fence. I find it harder than most to make friends. I despise spending time at social gatherings. Talking to people is something I'd rather not do at times.

But football helped to change that. Many of my friends and acquaintances were first met on the pitch, or the court. Playing football with bigger and better opponents taught me to fear no one, to be confident of my own abilities. Shouting for the ball while playing helped to raise the volume of my voice. Back in Form 4 at Seminda, I came in 10th for the 'Merentas Desa' without having done any regular jogging - all my training was done running around chasing footballs.

Way more fun than jogging.

So am I a better, more well-balanced individual today because of football? Perhaps. All praise be to God Almighty for introducing me to the beautiful game. Who knows how I'd have turned out if I hadn't spent all that time playing?

They're Coming For Me.

In a previous post, I wrote that I would shave my head if I somehow managed to get 9A+ for my recent SPM examination. I'll be finding out my hair's fate next week, incidentally.

So, what are my thoughts ahead of the big day? Not much, aside from the obvious wondering how my results are gonna turn out, as well everyone else's. I'm also thinking:

• Now I need to get a new shirt to follow the dress code set by the school.
• The honeymoon's coming to an end.
• After failing my driving test, looks like I won't be driving to school in a car that's probably older than most of my siblings after all.
• I am so not bringing a shaver to Rembau.

Well, that's about it. The truth is, I'm not thinking too much about Results Day, 'cause doing that isn't going to make me feel any better. Yeah, it's coming alright. And there's nothing left to do but pray, and wait.

*For my fellow SPM candidates, here's a little something to get you guys into the mood. ;)

Driving: A Learner's Tale.

Driving is a skill that everyone in our modern society has gotta learn at some point. And I consider myself fortunate that I am able to go for driving lessons at my age, as I have met people who are perhaps twice my age on my journey to get myself a probationary (P) license. A journey that somehow managed to invoke all kinds of emotions within myself and others. It made a pretty good experience too.

Since I'd left my old school for Rembau two years ago, I'd mostly lost contact with my friends and acquaintances there. So, it was nice to meet up with some of them throughout the whole process of obtaining a P license. And as far I can remember they hadn't changed much since the last time I'd seen them.

The early days were pretty dull, of course. Lectures, lectures and more lectures, and one computerized test thrown in somewhere. But at least it was a change from the almost nothing I did at home.

Fast forward to the day before the final test, a.k.a. the JPJ test. It would consist of two parts: one on the open road, and one on the circuit. So, on this final day before the test I had to undergo a grueling 4-hour training session to get myself ready for the big day.

Upon my arrival at ground zero in Cheras, I was somewhat amused to find that the entire training circuit was underwater. Yes, it had been completely flooded due to the continuous rainfall from the afternoon before. Thus, I wasn't able to work on my parking and the three-point maneuver. There was, however, another place to work on my 'hill drill' so I did that a few times. The rest of the session was spent out on the road.

And then, the day came. Crunch time. There were over two hundred people there at the circuit in Cheras. It was not like anything I'd seen before. The flood on the circuit had receded, but it left a muddy mess so the officials had to set up a new one as the original one was deemed unusable.

So we took turns to take our test. I did my road test first, and it's safe to say that the butterflies in my stomach were practically treating my insides as a bouncy castle. When my time came, I calmed myself down and got into the car, with a JPJ tester in the passenger seat.

So I did all the necessary checks (mirrors, seatbelt, etc.) and drove off. I knew the route we were taking  - I'd been down it a number of times during the training session the day before. Unfortunately, we'd barely been in the car for five minutes when the tester told me to pull over.

It seemed that I'd taken up too much road on my last turn. And that was it. We traded places and he drove us back to where we had started. I had failed.

Okay, in my defence,  the road we had been on was one of those narrow kampung roads. The road divider was barely visible, for crying out loud. But never mind, I acknowledged my mistake. Maybe next time, then.

After that I went and did my circuit test - the hill drill, parallel parking and the three-point turn. Without meaning to brag, I nailed all three of them, despite not really having worked on them yesterday, except the hill drill. Well, at least I managed to end my day on a high note.

So that's the story so far. Ever seen people drive during those chase scenes in action movies? Well, maybe someday I'll be that good. But for now, I'll just settle for the P. And I'm sure I'll get it eventually - this story ain't over yet.

Anticipation.

It really says something about my life nowadays that the only thing worth writing about at the moment is an event that hasn't occurred yet. That's right, I'm talking about Judgment Day, or in other words the day the SPM results are coming out.

So, how many days are left exactly? I don't like to think about that. I find it sufficient to simply keep that date with fate, 22nd March 2012 in the back of my mind. Not very hard to do, as it coincides with a friend's 18th birthday.

Studying. Those were hectic times.

Just like my peers, I have thought about what might happen come the 22nd. How would my results turn out? Would they meet my expectations? Would they meet everyone else's expectations? And how short would I have to cut my hair after that?

Looking back on those days leading up to 'the big one', I sometimes wonder if I did enough. After all I did sleep and play a whole lot more than mostly everyone else. And I'm certain that I did a great deal less revision too. Perhaps, based on effort alone I should never have been entitled to better academic performances than many of my batchmates.

But then I remember my earlier school years, and my incredible laziness back then. Before coming to Rembau I had never stayed up until morning to friggin' study, of all things. I'd barely even bothered to study at all outside of school hours. So, in a way, I actually had put in a great deal of effort, even if only from my own perspective. Showing that there is still hope for my SPM results, then, as well as putting my conscience to rest.

And then I return to reality. I remember that there's no point in worrying, and whatever will be, will be. Only God Almighty knows what's best for me, and whatever happens, I will be safe in the knowledge that it's all part of a greater plan. SPM results do not, after all, determine success in the future.

That being said, there's no harm in praying for excellent results. There's nothing else we can do nowadays that could possibly influence what we'll see printed on our result slips in a few weeks' time. Keep praying, and keep the faith.