One of Those Nights.

I'm in the final stages of my Master's degree. All that's left now is to make some corrections to my thesis, submit it, and then go for and pass the viva. I'm thankful that I've somehow made it this far. This seemed a long, long way off at this point last year.

Naturally, once you see the end of a chapter in sight, you start to think about what's coming next. To be honest, it's something I've thought about for a while now, but day by day, the need to make a decision becomes more and more pertinent. People ask what I'm going to do once I graduate, and, as often as that happens, it's still not as much as I ask myself that same question.

At the moment, there are only two things that I definitely want to commit to in 2019. The first is my role as Sponsorship Officer in the latest entity I've volunteered for, the Charisma Movement. The other is my journey into the world of the Deaf, as I will resume sign language classes in February.

The big question that still needs answering, of course, is of whether I'll be studying, working or both next year. I'm currently leaning towards going straight into a PhD, but only if the terms and conditions (particularly how much I'll be paid) of the scholarship that I'll supposedly be offered are right. Even if they are, I'm thinking I should probably get a part-time job somewhere to make a little extra and get some experience, probably at a bookstore somewhere.

I don't have big ambitions for my career. There was a point several years ago when I wanted to be rich, but then somewhere along the way I realized that money alone was not enough of a driver for me. It would be nice to have enough money to never worry about finances again, but that in itself couldn't give me enough of a push. There are other things that I value more in my life, namely my relationships with the people I care about.

To not be stuck in a job that keeps me away from home all day, every day means that I get to spend time with my friends and family. I get to watch my siblings grow, spend time with my grandmother, and be a calm, listening comfort to my overly stressed friends. The way I see it, you can always go out and get money, but time that has gone can never be replaced.

How long will this last? God only knows. He has put me into these circumstances for reasons only He is privy to, and I can only trust His plan. There are pros and cons, sure, but there's no such thing as a completely perfect situation. All we can do is be thankful for the good stuff and be patient in facing the bad.

I don't know what's compelled me to write this: yet another poorly-structured collection of thoughts that will barely benefit anyone who isn't interested in my life. I'm gonna read this back months, maybe years, from now, and wonder what on earth I was going through at the time. Well, future Ammar, the answer is simply that it was one of those nights. It wasn't too much of a dark time, but not much of a bright one either. It was in that area in between, where your thoughts and emotions are all mixed together like an experimental soup, and there's no one available at the moment to express them to. You'll probably remember that those nights were quite frequent, and the number of messy blog posts you've gotten out of them is only a tiny taste of how much actually went on.

Well, future Ammar, hopefully you're in a good place. Maybe you've finally figured out what you want to do with your life. Maybe you've finally found that person you want to spend the rest of your days with. Or maybe you've achieved something you've always wanted to do. Whatever it is, hopefully you're happier. And hopefully, 'one of those nights' is now a thing of the past.