Dark Sides.

It takes a while to get to know a person. As in, really getting to know a person. This is true for both the better and the worse.

For instance, your first impression of a person might be that of a nice, friendly guy who always finds a way to keep a conversation going. This is a good thing, you think, because conversations with new people are often a bit awkward, and you don't like awkward. Over time, though, you may realize that this person constantly wants to keep a conversation going, won't stop talking, and ends up annoying the hell out of you.

On the other hand, you might meet someone for the first time and immediately decide that the guy isn't a person you would enjoy spending more than two minutes with. Over time, you may find more and more reasons to convince yourself that that initial impression was spot on. You start to pat yourself on the back due to your good judgement. Given even more time, though, you realize that this person that you dislike so much does, in fact, have a good side to him - he could be really loyal to his friends, for example.

Whatever your initial impression of a person is, it isn't something that you should really hang on to, because that first impression is most likely wrong. Don't judge a book by its cover, and all that.

Since I first arrived in Nilai, I've been subjected to numerous revelations - some left me pleasantly surprised, and others less so. I won't go into specifics - as literally anyone could be reading this - but I've learned through all these experiences to not take things at face value. Add in the fact that my people-reading abilities have improved dramatically over the past year or so, and it's actually quite depressing to find that most people are not who they seem to be at first, and I don't mean that in a good way.

Finding someone who turns out to be an even better person than you first thought they were, and keeps on surprising you by continuously proving that first impression wrong, is exceptionally rare. If I were to find a person like that, I would never want to let him or her go. It would be akin to finally winning the lottery after years of buying losing tickets.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should simply discard certain people in your life just because they have certain flaws. Nobody's perfect, not even you - so how is it fair that you expect others to be? If you truly value your relationship with someone, you find a way to make it work - flaws and all.

Personally, I just think that, in a world where greed, selfishness and other negative traits run rampant, why should I add to that number? Why should I be yet another losing ticket, bringing about even more misery and disappointment to a world that already carries more than enough of it?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world," said Mahatma Gandhi. Be a winning lottery ticket.

Of Raya and Inner Peace.

I was planning on sleeping early tonight. But then I got caught up in my video games, and then got the urge to write. And now here I am, writing in this blog.

'Eid was celebrated by Muslims all over the world last week, and some celebrated more than others. A friend in France spoke of having to go to class right after the morning 'Eid prayers. Here in Malaysia, there were still a lot of shops closed almost a whole week after 'Eid.

In Malaysia, 'Eid is commonly referred to as Raya. My immediate family isn't really big on Raya, as the fact that my grandparents on both my parents' sides live just nearby. Some people take the whole week off for Raya to visit far-off relatives; we were done in a single day, as the furthest we went to visit lived only about half an hour away.

Raya, for me, is not something I typically look forward to. First of all, it signifies the end of the fasting month of Ramadan. Back in the Prophet's day, people used to weep when Ramadan ended, as with it went all its blessings. In Malaysia, festive music can be heard everywhere, even during the early days of the fasting month.

Second of all, Raya means having to dress up in traditional costume, going to visit your friends and relatives, and eating the same food at every single house you visit. I don't remember looking forward to, and much less enjoying, going through a combination of those things on this particular day throughout my whole young life. I mean, I wear my baju melayu almost every Friday. We visit the same relatives we visit on Raya all the time, even when it's not Raya. And sometimes we even have Raya food when it's not Raya. So what makes doing all three of these things on the same day special?

So yeah, I'm basically not a Raya person.

However, this year I decided that things would be different. I wouldn't allow my negative feelings towards Raya and the things I would be doing on it affect me. I was going to enjoy the celebration. For once.

And I did. Sort of.

Instead of the usual baju melayu-and-jeans combination, I went for the full set, with songkok and kain samping and everything. Instead of just sitting around eating and watching TV at the various houses we visited, I made an effort to actually talk to my relatives (which was difficult and somewhat awkward due to the age gaps, but I guess it was fine). I also ate my fill of Raya food, instead of taking teeny tiny portions like I usually do.

Maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed Raya much this time around if it had lasted more than a day, which, thankfully, it didn't. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to keep up my festive mood for that long. I'm basically never in a festive mood, so if it does come around I can't say I have too much practice with maintaining it.

One thing I learned from all this is that a celebration is only as good as you make it. The only way to enjoy something is to allow yourself to do so.

Realizing that I was my very own personal killjoy was, needless to say, a real eye-opener. Enjoying the things I do helps me to be happy, and being happy helps to give me inner peace. And really, there's not a whole lot a person could want more in this world besides inner peace.

There's too much turmoil in the world. We shouldn't have to let any of it seep into our heads.