Diversifying.

I've been having this knee problem for the past few months. I picked it up while playing futsal one afternoon, and for the rest of the day I had trouble bending my left leg, or even just putting weight on it. I had trouble sleeping that night because the pain just kept on acting up.

After a while - maybe a few weeks, though I can't remember - my knee stopped hurting and I was able to climb stairs normally again. I wasn't sure if my knee had fully recovered, so I decided to test it out by going for a little jog with my housemates (and a couple of their friends) one night in Putrajaya. I ran at my usual pace, and it was fine at first. After about 10 minutes or so, I started to feel something in my knee, but it was pretty minor so I ignored it like the supposed tough guy that I am. 10 to 15 minutes later, it got worse and eventually I just had to stop running and was forced to walk the rest of the way.

It was only then that I decided to pay a visit to the doctor, which was, in retrospect, something I should have done right from the beginning. There just happens to be a physiotherapy clinic about 10 minutes away from where I live, which was convenient.

I didn't actually get to see the doctor on my first few visits, and just went ahead with the physiotherapy. It was only later on that I finally got my knee checked by the resident specialist - I don't remember what exactly the issue with my knee was (he mentioned a bunch of medical terms that went over my head) but I was just glad that it was nothing too serious. By then, of course, it had been quite some time since I'd first picked up the injury, so my leg didn't really hurt at all. Nevertheless, the injury was still there, and I was advised to go for a few more physiotherapy sessions.

Last weekend, under advice from the physio, I went for a light walk and jog on the treadmill. Happily, I had no issues with my knee and today, the physio said I could now go back to my regular sporting activities, under the condition that I take it easy and preferably while wearing a knee guard. Today's session was therefore the last one for now - and hopefully for a long, long time - and I couldn't help but crack a smile. I was finally free. It sort of felt like I'd just graduated.

Throughout my entire life, I've never suffered an injury like this. I've never had any issues that ruled me out of sports for an extended period of time. I've always assumed that I've either just been pretty fortunate this whole time or my body was just a bit hardier than others. Whatever it was, there's a first time for everything, and this was a very new experience. And it was awful.

I've read about the psychological effects that injuries can have on footballers. Mine was fortunately just a little muscle issue, of course, but there are footballers who get their legs broken and their cruciate ligaments ruptured. It gets very hard to go back into football the way they used to, and many a player has been said to have never been the same after suffering a serious injury.

I'm thankful my injury wasn't a serious one - I could probably have recovered a lot quicker if I hadn't been so lazy with the exercises - but it still affected me psychologically. People who know me know I enjoy playing football more than anything else, and having that taken away from me for such a long period of time just subconsciously messed me up. It's not that I play that much anyway, and I'm not even that good, but when I'm not injured I know that I can play anytime if the opportunity were to arise. When I am injured, however, any possibility of playing is completely ruled out, and that's frustrating.

Perhaps a lesson I can learn from this is that I shouldn't be too dependent on playing football to relieve stress, or to get an emotional rush to fill up the vacuum that everyday life leaves inside me as it sucks out my soul. There are lots of ways to be happy, and just because one outlet is unavailable doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to go off to another one. Diversification is a word that is used in the finance world to refer to spacing out your investments and not focusing on a single entity or industry; perhaps it would be wise for me to start diversifying my emotional investments better.

There are lots of things that I could - and should - put more emotional investment into, especially things that are a lot more important than a mere game. But the thing about football is that isn't 'a mere game', it's a lot more than that. I read a lot about football (though not as much as I used to), and it isn't all just the actual game itself. I've personally learned a lot about politics, geography, business, economics and social issues, to name a few, from reading about football.

And there I go, defending football again. I'm sure there'll come a time when I just get too caught up with other, more important things to read about football every single day, and there will be a time when there'll be other things that make me happier than kicking a ball around a field or court. Is that time anytime soon? Maybe, for the sake of my emotional wellbeing, it needs to be. Being crippled physically shouldn't have to disable me, my brain and my emotions completely.