Diversifying.

I've been having this knee problem for the past few months. I picked it up while playing futsal one afternoon, and for the rest of the day I had trouble bending my left leg, or even just putting weight on it. I had trouble sleeping that night because the pain just kept on acting up.

After a while - maybe a few weeks, though I can't remember - my knee stopped hurting and I was able to climb stairs normally again. I wasn't sure if my knee had fully recovered, so I decided to test it out by going for a little jog with my housemates (and a couple of their friends) one night in Putrajaya. I ran at my usual pace, and it was fine at first. After about 10 minutes or so, I started to feel something in my knee, but it was pretty minor so I ignored it like the supposed tough guy that I am. 10 to 15 minutes later, it got worse and eventually I just had to stop running and was forced to walk the rest of the way.

It was only then that I decided to pay a visit to the doctor, which was, in retrospect, something I should have done right from the beginning. There just happens to be a physiotherapy clinic about 10 minutes away from where I live, which was convenient.

I didn't actually get to see the doctor on my first few visits, and just went ahead with the physiotherapy. It was only later on that I finally got my knee checked by the resident specialist - I don't remember what exactly the issue with my knee was (he mentioned a bunch of medical terms that went over my head) but I was just glad that it was nothing too serious. By then, of course, it had been quite some time since I'd first picked up the injury, so my leg didn't really hurt at all. Nevertheless, the injury was still there, and I was advised to go for a few more physiotherapy sessions.

Last weekend, under advice from the physio, I went for a light walk and jog on the treadmill. Happily, I had no issues with my knee and today, the physio said I could now go back to my regular sporting activities, under the condition that I take it easy and preferably while wearing a knee guard. Today's session was therefore the last one for now - and hopefully for a long, long time - and I couldn't help but crack a smile. I was finally free. It sort of felt like I'd just graduated.

Throughout my entire life, I've never suffered an injury like this. I've never had any issues that ruled me out of sports for an extended period of time. I've always assumed that I've either just been pretty fortunate this whole time or my body was just a bit hardier than others. Whatever it was, there's a first time for everything, and this was a very new experience. And it was awful.

I've read about the psychological effects that injuries can have on footballers. Mine was fortunately just a little muscle issue, of course, but there are footballers who get their legs broken and their cruciate ligaments ruptured. It gets very hard to go back into football the way they used to, and many a player has been said to have never been the same after suffering a serious injury.

I'm thankful my injury wasn't a serious one - I could probably have recovered a lot quicker if I hadn't been so lazy with the exercises - but it still affected me psychologically. People who know me know I enjoy playing football more than anything else, and having that taken away from me for such a long period of time just subconsciously messed me up. It's not that I play that much anyway, and I'm not even that good, but when I'm not injured I know that I can play anytime if the opportunity were to arise. When I am injured, however, any possibility of playing is completely ruled out, and that's frustrating.

Perhaps a lesson I can learn from this is that I shouldn't be too dependent on playing football to relieve stress, or to get an emotional rush to fill up the vacuum that everyday life leaves inside me as it sucks out my soul. There are lots of ways to be happy, and just because one outlet is unavailable doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to go off to another one. Diversification is a word that is used in the finance world to refer to spacing out your investments and not focusing on a single entity or industry; perhaps it would be wise for me to start diversifying my emotional investments better.

There are lots of things that I could - and should - put more emotional investment into, especially things that are a lot more important than a mere game. But the thing about football is that isn't 'a mere game', it's a lot more than that. I read a lot about football (though not as much as I used to), and it isn't all just the actual game itself. I've personally learned a lot about politics, geography, business, economics and social issues, to name a few, from reading about football.

And there I go, defending football again. I'm sure there'll come a time when I just get too caught up with other, more important things to read about football every single day, and there will be a time when there'll be other things that make me happier than kicking a ball around a field or court. Is that time anytime soon? Maybe, for the sake of my emotional wellbeing, it needs to be. Being crippled physically shouldn't have to disable me, my brain and my emotions completely.

Kelantan.

Sabak Beach.

I'm at my aunt's place in Kelantan at the moment.

Yes, Kelantan. I've only been to this state once before in my life, all the way back in Form 4 for a school competition hosted by SM Sains Machang. Other than the school, the only other place I went while I was there was a night market at Wakaf Che Yeh, which at the time was a labyrinth of stalls and a haven for cheap knock-off football shirts.

This time around I'm in Kota Bharu, the capital of Kelantan. I flew here yesterday afternoon; an old friend from Rembau who happens to be studying at a university about 10 minutes away from the airport picked me up and then took me for lunch followed by a little tour of the town.

First things first: I seriously underestimated how developed the place would be (and yes, I realize how offensive that might be to some people). While Kota Bharu is, of course, not exactly KL, the town center reminds me a little of Kuantan. Not exactly metropolitan, but not too rustic either.

The reason I'm in Kelantan, by the way, is because I'll be going to Perhentian Island with my housemates (and their friend) later this week. I've never been there, or any Malaysian island for that matter barring Langkawi (Penang doesn't count), so it should, by default, be a memorable trip.

So why didn't I wait until after getting back from the island to write about this little vacation? I'm not too sure, to be honest. Maybe I just feel like writing. Or maybe I just subconsciously know that I'm not going to have much to write about Perhentian. That's not a slight on the island, but instead more an indicator of where my interests lie.

I've spent a day and a half here in Kota Bharu now. My aunt has been staying here for a few years, and her husband is a native, so I've been getting a lot of insight into (a) their life here specifically and (b) life in Kelantan in general. That's the kind of stuff that really gets my attention, not so much the tourist attractions. I mean, I like seeing things that I don't normally see, but that doesn't necessarily mean some kind of natural or man-made structure. It could also be the culture; how the people in the place live their lives.

My life growing up was rather sheltered, I'll admit. I was born into a middle-class family with two well-educated parents and was raised in a neighborhood that the first search result on Google describes as "an affluent and elite residential estate nestled on the hillside of Ampang". When you grow up in that kind of setting, surrounded with friends from similar backgrounds, you sometimes forget that there are plenty of people out there who don't live the same way you do, who go about their daily lives in ways you can't even imagine.

I like learning about how people live. It tells the story behind a person; why they are the way they are. See that guy who never stays back late at work? He's got a sick child at home. See that girl who doesn't talk to anyone outside of class? She has to work two part-time jobs to pay off her family's debts. Understanding a person's story is how you understand a person.

Kelantan is known for being a really rural, traditional place (which is backed up by the statistics: this is the least urbanized state in Malaysia), and coming here, I can sort of see why. These people have a simple, relaxed way of life, and why would they trade that all in the name of  'progress' and being 'modern'? They're happy with how they live, which isn't something a lot of us city folk can say.

That's not to say I'd want to live here, or at least not right now anyway. Maybe someday in the future, after I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, maybe I'll move to the countryside and spend the rest of my days gardening. I'll be one of those old men who slowly drive their motorcycles down the middle of the road and take pleasure in how annoyed all the impatient young whippersnappers driving their cars behind me get when they can't overtake. Maybe someday, but not right now. I'm still an impatient young whippersnapper.

August.

It's been a busy month.

It isn't that August has had that much more stuff to do than usual, but it's certainly felt that way. Besides the usual Rawang stuff, I also had to do an assignment that I absolutely did not enjoy as well as deal with all the housework that came with our maid's sudden resignation. I also managed to injure my knee playing futsal and have been finding stairs to be particularly antagonizing these past few weeks.

But it was mainly that annoying assignment that made this past month feel particularly taxing. For the first time in my life, I did an assignment with the sole aim of passing. Looking back on the assignment now that it's over, and especially in comparison what others did, I feel like I could have done much better if I'd wanted to. I suppose that's what happens when your grade doesn't matter, just as long as you pass.

Next month should be a pretty busy one as well, with a proposal defence, the Rawang visit, and a potential trip to Kelantan being the main highlights, but it helps that all three of those are (a) important and (b) not things that I hate doing. I like having things to do, just as long as doing them doesn't make me feel like I'm dying on the inside.

For anyone who's interested, here are a few things that make me feel like I'm dying on the inside:

a) Doing arts and crafts

b) Attending events that have anything to do with developing 'leadership' or 'entrepreneurship' skills

c) Selling products I wouldn't buy myself

d) Networking

e) Seeing trashy posts on Facebook

And here are a few things, while being objectively mundane, that I find to be at least tolerable:

a) Buying groceries

b) Going to the bank

c) Performing household chores and other errands

Yes, I would much rather do the dishes at home or wait in line at the bank than attend a youth leadership conference. Sue me.

Life is as much about the stuff you hate or tolerate as the stuff you like, I suppose, so maybe I shouldn't complain too much. But then again, complaining about something is one way to channel my frustration at it, and it's certainly a better way of doing so than breaking stuff or something like that.

On a side note, is the Malaysian culture of complaining also an indicator of a constant underlying frustration, for whatever reason, that most of us feel? Would we complain less if our situations were to improve, or would we just then find something else to complain about? Just a thought.

Well, this has been a rambling, incoherent post. I find myself writing stuff like this more often than not nowadays, and I guess it shows the state that my mind is in these days. Guess I'll sign off now.