Crossroads.

I've been job-hunting for over a month now, and it hasn't gone very well so far. I have been contacted by a couple of banks, but circumstances meant that nothing has come out from said contact. As for the other companies I've sent my resume to, I have yet to receive any kind of response, which I (somewhat optimistically) put down to:

a) Bad timing. We've been having a number of public holidays lately.

b) My being just another candidate among hundreds of others.

I have talked about being unemployed in my last post from over two weeks ago, and it's pretty much as frustrating now as it was then. One key difference between now and then, however, is that I now have another option: furthering my studies.

Furthering my studies had not been an option at all over the months that have passed since graduation. I'd been keen to start working and start earning, and if I were to start studying for a Master's degree it was going to be after I'd gained a few years' working experience and had collected enough money to be able to fund my studies myself. Even so, I was also wary of the fact that I might not even have the motivation to further my studies after immersing myself into the corporate world for a few years.

The funny thing about life, though, is that things don't always turn out the way you think they will. Almost completely out of the blue, I've received an opportunity to work as a research assistant while at the same time study for a Master of Philosophy (MPhil/PhM) in Management. It means that I'd basically be paid to do my Master's.

MPhil, for those who are unfamiliar with it (don't worry; I'd never heard of it before either), is an advanced postgraduate research degree that's just a level below a PhD. In fact, it's typically awarded to PhD thesis submissions that don't quite reach PhD standards.

Anyway, nothing's confirmed yet. I still have to sort out the exact details, which I hope to do when I meet up with my would-be supervisor later this week. Assuming it all goes well, though, there's a good chance that I'll go ahead with this program instead of waiting for God-knows-how-long for a response from any of the companies I've applied to work at. This would at least give me something to do as well as a bit of income. Oh, and there's also the small matter of being able to work on my Master's degree as well.

The downside of this, as far as I can tell, would be the foregoing of the higher salary and industrial experience I would have instead gained from choosing to work. That is kind of a big deal, actually, but if I'm going to do my Master's at some point anyway, it might as well be now while I still have the head and heart for it. I'm getting paid to do it as well, and there's also the possibility of getting a scholarship, so on the financial side I'd still be getting something.

One thing about the research I'll be doing though: the topic is women's entrepreneurship. It does seem interesting somewhat, and the research would possibly be given further weight given that I'm not actually a woman, but for me to be researching this topic seems a bit...unusual, given my background. Still, conventional has never really been my thing when it comes to education choices, so maybe it wouldn't really be all that unusual. It'll probably be just another one of those things that I'm going to have to explain to other people about in some length.

I'm at a crossroads in my life right now, and I'm clearly edging towards studying over beginning my career; a few months ago, studying had not even been an option. It's things like these that make me wonder why I even bother planning out my life at all...well, not really, but you get what I mean. Nevertheless, let's hope everything goes well.

Downtime.

Being unemployed really isn't a whole lot of fun. It was fine at first as I had the freedom do whatever I wanted, but being someone who hasn't been on a break this long since April 2012 when I started my foundation studies, it was only a matter of time before the itch to move on to the next stage of my life began to kick in.

I've applied to quite a number of companies, mostly financial institutions, over the past month or so. Only two have gotten back to me thus far, but I'm still yet to attend a single job interview. I'm still hopeful however; I'm sure these companies get hundreds of applicants every month, and it takes time to go through all those resumes.

A lecturer of mine told me I should just take any job I can get for now, even if it is working part-time at KFC, at least just to fill up my time, gain some experience and get some routine into my life. I do see where she's coming from, but I wonder if KFC would want to take on someone who may possibly leave on short notice for another job within a month.

Yes, because of course companies are practically begging at my feet to let them hire me, aren't they? Yes, because working at KFC is 'beneath' someone possessing my qualifications, isn't it? Yes, because I'd just be wasting my time with a low-paying job when a much better one is most definitely around the corner, wouldn't I?

Most people would have taken up a short-term job by now, and I have no problem with that. In fact, I respect people who do that. It's just that I figure that since this is my break, I would like to spend it doing things I would actually like doing. Throughout my whole life, whenever given the choice, I have always chosen to do what makes me happy. I thrive when I'm happy, and I'm a wreck when I'm not.

Without going into too much detail, the very nature of working in retail (which is typically the industry where people in my situation would go into) has little to no appeal to me. I know I'm not going to enjoy that sort of work, so I would rather not put my emotional and mental health at risk by going into it. I'll admit I am a lazy person, but for me the cons of taking up a part-time job outweigh the pros, given my personal situation.

Having said that, I confess things get a bit dull whenever I don't have anything lined up for the day, which is what happens on most days. I used to spend those plan-free days playing video games, but it's gotten to the point where I've gotten tired of it. I instead spend a lot of time just aimlessly surfing the internet nowadays.

So am I making the most of the downtime I've been given? Definitely not. Am I enjoying it? In parts, yes, but overall not as much as I would have liked. I'm not complaining, though. It won't be long before I move into the next stage of my life, in which I'm never going to get this much free time again. I guess I'm just going to bask in this idleness while I still can.

Cats and Dogs.

Are you a cat person or a dog person? For pretty much my entire life, I was neither. I grew up not really being an animal person in general, mostly because I wasn't a fan of (a) getting contaminated by the germs on those things and (b) possibly being on the receiving end of any form of bodily harm. Animals did fascinate me to a certain extent, however, as I used to enjoy observing them and learning about them; just not enough to to make me want to touch them.

I had a pet fighting fish when I was seven, which had been given to me by a teacher in school. It wasn't long (probably only a matter of days) before I found it floating upside down in the jar it was kept in, though. Apparently you shouldn't seal the jar shut if the lid doesn't have any air holes, no matter how concerned you are that the water might spill out. I've never had a pet since.

I grew up not liking cats, which is probably down to my experiences with strays at outdoor/open air food joints. I didn't like their incessant mewing and begging for food, how they would suddenly just rub up against your leg, and that they were dirty and germ-infested. House cats were cleaner, of course, but I still refused to touch them or be touched by them. I also never quite saw the point of having pet cats in the first place, as they pretty much give you nothing in return for you taking care of them.

I always thought dogs were more practical - they keep you safe and can understand instructions. Having said that, Muslims in this country don't typically keep dogs as pets (we're not allowed to unless they're for protection), and Malays here generally have a pretty negative outlook on the things. There's also the matter of dogs potentially being able to bite your arm off and being pretty noisy regardless of their size, so as someone who would rather keep his limbs and eardrums intact, I wasn't a big fan of dogs either, though I could appreciate their practicality.

As time went on, I met more and more people who had cats or dogs as pets, and they loved them like they were their own flesh and blood. A friend of mine's cat died once and she was really upset about it; it was difficult for me to empathize given my not-very-fond feelings towards cats.

It wasn't until my trip to France a few months ago that I finally softened my stance towards cats. The house I had stayed in while in Toulouse had a cat that belonged to (or rather, was taken care of by) my friend's housemate. I was given a couch in the living room to stay in, which happened to be the same room the cat would usually hang out in if it wasn't outside. I tried avoiding it at first, but it kept coming towards me for whatever reason - I was told that it hadn't been getting enough love from the guys who lived in the house, so maybe it just wanted some attention and affection.

I eventually decided that resistance was futile, so I allowed it to come up to me, rub itself on me (getting fur everywhere in the process), and even climb onto my lap. I figured I might as well just try petting and scratching the cat while it was at it and, well, I found myself sort of liking it. The cat (which didn't have a name, by the way) and I got along just fine for the rest of my stay there, as you can tell by the above picture.

I wouldn't say I love cats now, but I am able to tolerate them. I was at my cousin's school the other day and there was a cat in the warden's administration office; I took the time to pet it on my own accord. If that does not signify progress, I don't know what does.

I very recently broke down my personal barriers against dogs as well. I flew to Singapore last Friday and, as my flight was quite early in the morning, I spent the night before at a friend's place in Nilai - the thing was that he had five dogs at home. One was a large Doberman kept outside in a cage, while the other four were a family of toy poodles.

I was greeted at the entrance by a whole load of barking, and I could see the poodles poking their little heads through the gaps in the gate, seemingly ready to pounce. My friend's mom opened the gate and they rushed out towards me. I panicked at first and tried to get away, but I eventually calmed down as I realized that they weren't going to bite me. Sure, their saliva got on me and probably my clothes as well, but I just had to wash it off later, which I didn't think was really a big deal. I later tried my hand at petting the dogs, and I found that, like I had experienced with the cat some months earlier, it really wasn't so bad.

I got back from Singapore on Sunday, just before lunchtime, and the same friend (as well as his girlfriend, whom I'd met once previously) picked me up from the airport and took me back to his house for lunch. His mom's cooking was excellent and the time I spent there before heading home to Ampang was enjoyable, but most significantly for the topic of this blog post, I just want to say that I quite liked being around those little dogs again. I enjoyed chilling with them (the one in the picture above is named Lucky) and seeing them do tricks. My friend later said I can I just come over and hang out whenever; I might just do that to see those dogs again (...and to see him, of course).

So do I love animals now? Well, I wouldn't go as far as to pet stray cats, but my perception towards them is now much improved. Animals are God's creatures too, after all, and deserve the same levels of love and respect afforded towards human beings.