Escape.

So it’s 2017.

When I was younger, I used to stay up until midnight with my siblings to catch the New Year fireworks show at KLCC. We never actually went there, of course, and neither did we ever need to; we could see the twin towers quite clearly from our house.

As time went on, we grew older and just couldn’t be bothered. This year we (most of us, anyway) watched football on TV instead of catching any celebrations. I guess when you’ve seen one fireworks show, you’ve seen them all.

People change over time, as does the way they see things. Some people see the turn of the year as an opportunity to celebrate, while others see it as just another arbitrary moment in time, just as insignificant a moment as any other. The latter probably don’t get invited to too many parties.

I’ve no problem with people wanting to celebrate things. Life is just terrible most of the time, and people like to take any chance they get to enjoy themselves. People need to escape.

Last year was pretty much a year of escape for me, and yes, that includes my internship. I may have mentioned this before on this blog, but the three years I’d had in Manipal felt like ten. I needed an escape from all that, and I got it. Granted, it ended up being a lot longer than I originally intended, but I guess there’s a reason for that.

Who knows what this year will hold for me, but I expect (and actually hope for) much of my time to be filled with my Master’s work. There’ll be a lot of reading, writing, presenting, and all sorts of other stuff. My supervisor tells me that I might be presenting at a conference in June or July somewhere in either Langkawi or Penang, which I’ll admit does sound exciting.

My mother told me that this Master’s program, and I suppose education in general, isn’t so much about getting the qualification at the end of it – it’s more to do with your journey and growth as a person. And I really agree with that. I expect to be yet another version of myself a couple of months down the road.

I’ve lost count of how many times last year I found myself realizing that I didn’t know myself anymore. I’ve been told that this was a good thing, because it meant that I was changing and developing as a person.

In the first few months of 2016, I found myself writing and publishing stuff in my university’s e-newsletter on topics that were…well, matters of the heart. You know, stuff you might hear in motivational talks. Now I don’t even read about those things anymore, much less write about them. I guess I’m just not interested in these topics anymore, or at least not right now. I might start getting hooked on them again once things start getting much harder than they are at the moment. Who knows.

The version of me that I am right now is probably the most relaxed me there’s ever been, and that probably has to do with the fact that I don’t have any urgent need to not be relaxed right now. I haven’t properly started with my research (which will be stressful), I don’t really read the news (which, these days, can be quite stressful), and I avoid all forms of negativity like the plague. I've also stopped caring (temporarily or otherwise) about a lot of things I used to care about. It's a lot easier to not get stressed about something if you don't care about it.

I’m in my own bubble of positivity at the moment. I know I can’t stay here for too long, but I’m making the most of it while I still can. I'll be out of here soon, don't you worry.

Climbing.

I climbed Broga Hill this morning, the second time I've ever done so. I went with a number of my old Rembau batchmates the first time; this time, however, I went alone.

I’m used to doing things alone. I like going for solo walks and solo drives. I like it when I’m home alone. I like eating alone at restaurants. When I was in France, there were many times when I found myself traveling alone, and I enjoyed that too.

I’m not saying I’m antisocial. I do, of course, enjoy good company. I’ve heard it said that it’s better to have good company than to have none at all. But it’s also true that being alone is better than being with bad company. Sometimes I just like to be by myself instead of being with other people just for the sake of being with someone. I actually happen to enjoy my own company, thank you very much.

There was a time when the word ‘introvert’ would make me cringe, because I just kept seeing it pop up everywhere. It was almost as if being introverted was cool all of a sudden, and everyone wanted to get in on it. The word still has difficulty forming in my mouth, and I wish there were other words I could use, but the fact remains that it’s also a concise, yet accurate, description of who I am.

As I climbed Broga this morning, I noticed that I was possibly the only one there doing it by myself (except possibly this one foreigner I later passed on my way back down). I saw couples, families, and groups of friends, climbing, chatting, laughing, taking pictures, and generally enjoying themselves. The only problem for me was that there were far too many of them – I barely took time to stop and enjoy the excellent view on any of the four peaks as the presence of the crowds made me uncomfortable.

When I told one of my housemates I was planning to climb Broga by myself, he didn’t think it was a good idea, for reasons of safety (he couldn't have come; he had class this morning). It was a valid concern, of course, but I figured that if anything were to happen to me while I was up there (and nothing did happen, thankfully enough), it was safe to assume that there would be plenty of people there to see it, and at least a few of them would be kind enough to help me out.

When I reached the final peak, 1312 feet above sea level, I walked right past the overcrowded clearing on top of it and found a secluded rock to sit on and rest. The view wasn’t as great as it would have been from the actual peak, but it was a lot more peaceful. And it was peace that I came to Broga for, much more than the view or the climbing.

There’s just something I find therapeutic about staring into the distance after a climb, and if the whole climbing thing wasn’t so physically demanding and time-consuming I would probably do it more often. There was a hiking trail on the hill behind my first house in Nilai, and I used to climb it, sit on a rock near the edge of a cliff and just gaze into the horizon to clear my thoughts. It wasn’t as high or as challenging a climb as Broga, but it did the trick.

It would be nice if I could scale higher peaks, like the many mountains we have here in this country, in the future, though doing so would probably mean having to go with other people for safety reasons. That would mean losing out on the part I like the most about climbing, namely reaching the top, looking out onto the horizon and not talking to anyone. It would be quite something to look down from the peak of Mount Kinabalu and not have that moment of serenity pierced by the voice of another human being.

But I guess people were made to live together for a reason. Adam (a. s.) did feel lonely all by himself in Paradise, after all. Having my peace interrupted by another person every now and then is probably better than it never being interrupted at all.

Results.

Donald Trump was announced as the 45th President of the United States yesterday. People were calling it a surprise, but it wasn't really for me. Not because I have an in-depth knowledge of American politics or anything like that; it was more of a hunch. And anyway, after Leicester City winning the Premier League, Portugal winning the Euros, and Brexit all happened earlier this year, nothing should really be a surprise anymore.

(Incidentally, I read somewhere that if you'd put a £5 bet on Leicester City, Brexit and Trump, you would have won £15 million. It's been a crazy year.)

I had the luxury of being able to follow the results live yesterday (my Master's proposal is still yet to be approved due to administrative issues), and I have to say I got stressed when the final results were announced. I decided to get off Facebook for the rest of the day (though I did accidentally go on once later out of habit) to avoid the inevitable barrage of negativity, and de-stressed myself with a bit of PES, football with some local kids, and then dinner with my new housemates.

I think I would still have been stressed had Hillary Clinton won instead of Trump. Both candidates are flawed (to put it lightly) in their own ways, and the outlook would have been bleak whatever the outcome of the election. If I'd had to vote, I don't think I would have been able to bring myself to vote for either of them. As it is, I'm glad I'm not a US citizen.

For the past 18 months, I've been keeping an eye on the US election through talk show segments on YouTube, mainly for entertainment purposes. There was, of course, the whole getting-updated-on-current-events thing, but I frankly wouldn't have paid so much attention to the election if it following it hadn't also been so entertaining. Laughter is good for my mental health, and as someone who likes to keep mentally healthy, I try to get it whenever I can.

I do, of course, get the importance of keeping up with the world, regardless of whether it's presented in an entertaining format or not. I do read the news, and I do get concerned with the stuff that's going on. There's always something happening, good or bad. There's always something to talk about, always something to discuss.

The problem with talking about current events, though, is that there's always so much negativity involved. There's so much hate, anger, sadness. So many problems are out there in the world, and so many people getting upset over them. All this emotion is understandable, of course, and sometimes even necessary. You can feel what you want over what you want, but please don't drag me into it. There's already too much negativity as it is, and I don't want to be a part of it.

One of the things I want most in this life is simply to be happy. I realize I can't be happy all the time, but it's something I always aspire to be and strive towards becoming. Happiness should be more than just an emotion, which is temporary and fleeting - it should be an underlying state that you always revert to. Whatever it is you're going through, you can rest easy knowing that soon it'll be over and you'll be happy again.

It may be intelligent to to be able to think about big, important things and talk about them, but it's wise to know what's big and important to you and just focus on that. Trying to know everything about everything is great and all, but it's also exhausting. No matter how wonderful you think your mind is, you shouldn't overwork it.

I've never been one to publicly offer my thoughts on trending topics, because most of the time I can't be bothered to look up too much about something that will soon come to pass anyway. It's funny how everyone on social media at the moment is suddenly an expert on US politics as well as its effects on the global economy. Just like how not too long ago everyone was suddenly an expert on Islamic law and jurisdiction.

It's great to have opinions, as it shows that you have a functioning brain, but quite frankly no one cares. Your voice is just one of millions (billions?), and what you think doesn't really matter unless you're somebody important. That's just how it is.

Sometimes it's just better to keep what you think to yourself, especially if the environment is as toxic at is right now. Whatever has happened, has happened, and there's nothing more we can do about it. Focus on the present, keep your sanity, and look ahead to the future. There's still more to come, and you'll never move forward if you're still stuck in reverse.