I end the year wondering, not for the first time, if I'd be studying medicine if I'd been to more hospitals when I was younger. I went with my grandmother to visit a hospitalized relative earlier today, and seeing sick people in their beds helps me understand why some people willingly go through the hell that is medical school. Then again, I was pretty insensitive and unappreciative as a child, so maybe more frequent trips to the hospital back then wouldn't have made much difference.
I end the year with a light throbbing in the right side of my mouth. I had a tooth taken out a few days ago as part of my preparation to get braces installed (after having first gone to see the dentist about getting braces about 10 years ago). It was the first time I'd ever had any kind of work done on my teeth other than scaling, and I am not enjoying the aftermath at all. It doesn't help that I've also contracted a bit of a cold, leaving me in some physical discomfort and a feeling of general discontent.
I end the year waiting for the Arsenal game to start half an hour into the new year. I've missed the past few due to them being rather annoyingly timed, and I can no longer be bothered to stay up too late to watch my team play, especially given the way they've been playing recently. Nevertheless, I still need my Arsenal fix, and it hasn't been fun not watching Alexis Sanchez and co. for a while.
I end the year having moved out of my Kajang apartment. I stayed there for 13 months, and it was maybe midway through that period when I realized that I absolutely did not enjoy living in the Kajang-Bangi area. I am fond of my now-former housemates, yes, and the swimming pool and the occasional trips to the futsal court were nice, but as a whole I just couldn't bring myself to look past the traffic, the lack of parking in front of my apartment compound, and the monotony of eating the same things and/or at the same places over and over again. I had good times in Kajang, but for now I'm glad I don't have to go back anymore.
I end the year feeling that I've regressed somewhat. I'm not as disciplined or motivated as I used to be, and neither do I feel like my brain is as sharp. I'm having difficulty summoning the will to do any kind of writing (which sort of explains why this month's post was left this late), and I'm very behind on both my thesis and the novels I'm writing. Motivation comes to me in cycles, and I suppose I'm currently in a downturn. Constantly hoping to be in an up cycle really isn't sustainable, though, and I need to find a solution.
I end the year caring less about more things, and caring more about less things. I've decided to pay more attention to the things that matter to me, like the people who appreciate and care about me, and bin off everything else, like the people that don't. I care less about what people say and think now, even less than before. I guess once you've decided to put more attention towards bigger stuff, you just stop taking notice of the little things. It's all part of growing up.
I end the year with no clear plan of what lies ahead. While I do have a rough timeline in place, there are just so many variables at play that could drastically alter what I've tentatively placed on the agenda. I'm hoping to find some way to squeeze in another trip abroad at some point, partly because I enjoy traveling to far-off places, but also partly because I miss making videos and I need something to make vlogs about.
I end the year with a deeper appreciation of what it means when things happen according to God's will. I am right where I need to be, and things will happen when they are meant to. Effort on my part is, of course, needed, but I've learned to be more accepting when things don't turn out the way I wanted to. Which happens a lot.
I end the year feeling hopeful. The wheel of life continues to spin, and it's only a matter of time before I'll be at the top again. Bring on 2018.
