Necessary.

In the months that have passed since I graduated from Manipal in April 2016, I've been possibly the most emotionally stable I've ever been. It was a period that I used to relax, to recover from the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion throughout my life as an undergraduate student. A lot of soul-searching was done, and I made happiness as my first priority. I made a conscious effort to stop caring so much about many things, and to stop working my mind any more than was necessary. My goal was to calm the storm in my head, as well as to take measures so as to keep it that way as much as possible.

It might have worked; then again, it might not have. Sure, it's almost ridiculous how calm I am most of the time these days, but that's not hard to do since I actively avoid conflict and other situations that could potentially get me going. The only emotional excursions I regularly undertake involve playing FIFA and following the football.

All good things come to an end, however, and it seems that this sheltered period is coming to a close. As much as I would love to, I can't stay in this protective bubble for the rest of my life. Too much has been invested into me, and it would be a waste if I don't make the most of my potential.

I don't actually feel bad for being so unproductive for so long. Plenty of people take time off, and for various durations. Sometimes you just need a break, and these things take as much time as they need to. Admittedly, mine probably took a bit longer than was necessary, but there are some circumstances that you just can't control.

My Master's program looks to finally be properly starting after being stuck in bureaucratic purgatory since October. I signed up to be a facilitator at a motivational camp for school students. I offered to help train my old university's debate team for an upcoming tournament. I'm beginning to give a damn about current issues and consume intellectual content again. It's safe to say that I've started crawling out of the cave I've been chilling in for almost a year.

I've learned that we human beings are not individuals, but merely components in the great machine that is society. We each have a place in this world, a role to fulfil, and all that we do to improve ourselves is merely just so that we can carry out our roles better, or even to move to a different one. And I really have no problem with that. Why else were we all put into this world with each other, instead of each getting our own? The reason the world is so messed up is because too many people choose to be selfish.

Was I choosing to be selfish by sheltering myself for ten months? Some might say so. I, however, see it as a necessary break I had to take for my long-term wellbeing. Even machines need to be serviced every now and then to ensure they continue to perform at their optimum levels.

Now it's time to get going, to use my freshness to take myself to a new level. It's never easy to step out of your comfort zone, but I, for one, am relishing it.

Growth.

I took a personality test yesterday (this one right here). A few friends on Facebook had already taken it and shared their results, and I was inspired to have a go myself. It was the first one I've taken in a long time.

Personality tests are, of course, supposed to evaluate your personality. People take them when applying for jobs, which is one of its practical purposes, but also to find out a bit more about themselves. The most accurate tests tend to measure more aspects of one's personality, and contain more questions.

I decided to take the test because I wanted to see how far I've come as a person since the last time I took one. Am I still the same person I was years ago? Have I changed in any way? I feel like I have changed a lot over the years; perhaps the test results would show me just how much.

I didn't share the results on Facebook, as I'm not too fond of people knowing too much about me - not that easily anyway. I'm not an open book, but I'm not under lock and seal either. If you want to see what's inside, all you have to do is turn the pages.

I didn't save the results anywhere else either. Maybe I should have, for future reference, but I didn't. Other personality tests will come along, I'm sure, but they won't be the same as this one. Scientifically speaking, to measure any development in my personality test results, the personality test taken should remain constant. I could always track this exact test down and take it again, but I don't see myself doing that years from now.

Measuring precisely how much you've changed over the years seems like an incredibly nerdy thing to do. I don't mean that as an insult; it's exactly what I might have done myself some years ago. However, the fact that I don't really feel the need to do such a thing shows that, yes, I really have changed. These days I care less about things like that. I feel different, and I can see that I'm different; therefore, I am different.

So, how did I do on the test? Well, I didn't save the results, and I'm not so much of a nerd anymore to memorize them in full, but my main takeaway from the results were that, well, they were pretty much what I expected.

My highest scores were for 'emotional stability' and 'complexity', and my lowest score was for 'gregariousness'. Like I said, pretty much what I expected.

I don't know in too much detail what my scores meant, as the premium report (which contained those details) cost money, so I just have to settle for interpreting them myself. Based on the assumption that a personality test made for the public should probably be easily understood by the public, the terms used for each of those personality aspects should mean exactly what they mean in English.

(If that last part made you go "well, duh", then you might not be familiar with academic writing...)

Hence, my high scores for 'emotional stability' and 'complexity' (88% for both) should mean that, well, I am emotionally stable, as well as a complex individual. And my low score for 'gregariousness' (44%; not really that low, actually) should mean that I have a low fondness for socializing.

(On a side note, what does it mean to be a complex individual? Someone difficult to understand? Someone who does things that are difficult to understand? So does that mean a non-complex individual is easily understood and does things easy to understand? I genuinely find it difficult to believe that there are people who are easy to understand. Everyone has a story.)

The fact that I wasn't at all surprised by my personality test results probably just means that I know myself quite well, and I guess that's a good thing. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know my thresholds. I know what I can and can't do. How in the world could that not be a good thing?

Well, when you know yourself this well... things might get a bit boring. There's almost nothing left for you to learn about yourself. Nothing left to discover. You'll do something in a given situation, and you'll have done exactly what you expected yourself to do. You don't surprise yourself anymore.

I guess the only way to overcome that would be to change as a person. I don't mean a complete overhaul, of course. The change I'm talking about involves personal growth. That's what life is about, isn't it? Growth.

So here's to growing as a person. May the person that reads this post today not be the same person tomorrow... but a better one. Here's to your evolution.