Escape.

So it’s 2017.

When I was younger, I used to stay up until midnight with my siblings to catch the New Year fireworks show at KLCC. We never actually went there, of course, and neither did we ever need to; we could see the twin towers quite clearly from our house.

As time went on, we grew older and just couldn’t be bothered. This year we (most of us, anyway) watched football on TV instead of catching any celebrations. I guess when you’ve seen one fireworks show, you’ve seen them all.

People change over time, as does the way they see things. Some people see the turn of the year as an opportunity to celebrate, while others see it as just another arbitrary moment in time, just as insignificant a moment as any other. The latter probably don’t get invited to too many parties.

I’ve no problem with people wanting to celebrate things. Life is just terrible most of the time, and people like to take any chance they get to enjoy themselves. People need to escape.

Last year was pretty much a year of escape for me, and yes, that includes my internship. I may have mentioned this before on this blog, but the three years I’d had in Manipal felt like ten. I needed an escape from all that, and I got it. Granted, it ended up being a lot longer than I originally intended, but I guess there’s a reason for that.

Who knows what this year will hold for me, but I expect (and actually hope for) much of my time to be filled with my Master’s work. There’ll be a lot of reading, writing, presenting, and all sorts of other stuff. My supervisor tells me that I might be presenting at a conference in June or July somewhere in either Langkawi or Penang, which I’ll admit does sound exciting.

My mother told me that this Master’s program, and I suppose education in general, isn’t so much about getting the qualification at the end of it – it’s more to do with your journey and growth as a person. And I really agree with that. I expect to be yet another version of myself a couple of months down the road.

I’ve lost count of how many times last year I found myself realizing that I didn’t know myself anymore. I’ve been told that this was a good thing, because it meant that I was changing and developing as a person.

In the first few months of 2016, I found myself writing and publishing stuff in my university’s e-newsletter on topics that were…well, matters of the heart. You know, stuff you might hear in motivational talks. Now I don’t even read about those things anymore, much less write about them. I guess I’m just not interested in these topics anymore, or at least not right now. I might start getting hooked on them again once things start getting much harder than they are at the moment. Who knows.

The version of me that I am right now is probably the most relaxed me there’s ever been, and that probably has to do with the fact that I don’t have any urgent need to not be relaxed right now. I haven’t properly started with my research (which will be stressful), I don’t really read the news (which, these days, can be quite stressful), and I avoid all forms of negativity like the plague. I've also stopped caring (temporarily or otherwise) about a lot of things I used to care about. It's a lot easier to not get stressed about something if you don't care about it.

I’m in my own bubble of positivity at the moment. I know I can’t stay here for too long, but I’m making the most of it while I still can. I'll be out of here soon, don't you worry.